When It Comes to Defeating the Enemy, Stroke, I Wrote the Book

A surgeon stepped into the waiting room, where 16 of your family members were quietly pacing and praying. "She is in critical condition. She appears to have had a seizure and she had heart failure. Her hemorrhage is massive. We are doing life-saving measures to evacuate the blood. If she makes it she'll most likely need reparative surgery once she has been stabilized."

“What do you mean 'if she makes it'? She is healthy, young, and strong." Your husband, Jim said incredulously.

“What I am saying is that she may not survive the operation. This procedure has a high mortality rate” the surgeon said solemnly.

During the surgery, I died on the operating table. My heart stopped beating. My lungs stopped breathing. My brain stopped functioning.

During the flat-lined period, I was climbing a ladder that had no beginning nor end, top and bottom faded into the clouds.  I thought, "Wow why do I have to climb, shouldn't I have the ability to float?"

Instinctively, I knew I had a choice.

Should I stay or Should I go now.

I chose to stay.

"Can I return as Beyonce?"

Someone is telling you to wake up. They sound dangerously, oddly happy; and it is obvious something has happened.

And you are not Beyonce.

This July 17 marks the 20th anniversary of the war on my body, where I had to battle against a massive hemorrhagic stroke.  It ravaged my body and killed a large portion of my brain. An MRI reveals this reality. The right side of my brain is over 60 % dead, the size of my fist. The large black spot on the scan is dead brain tissue. There's also a deep hole where the surgeons evacuated the blood during brain surgery. There was a time when speaking of something undesirable I would say, "I need that like a hole in the head! Now I add, “Wait, I already have a hole in my head.”

My brain injury may have claimed my limbs, but it did not capture my spirit. I fought off this enemy that rendered me disabled and nearly killed me, with humor, positive attitude, hope and faith. Stroke may have had its way with me, but it could not conquer the essence of me.

War is ugly and stroke recovery is not pretty. Fighting a war requires a unified front. I rallied my troops--my parents, brothers, friends, husband, and son--to help me through the darkest times of my battle. Initially, I felt that time was on my opponent's side, it ticked so slowly. Brain Injury recovery is measured in minutia. As time passed, however, it changed sides to become my ally. It was now like a time-release medication. As I looked back to the beginning of the assault, I realized that those small seemingly minor skirmishes were taking a toll on the enemy, the tide had turned. I had reclaimed significant territory since the battle lines were drawn. My horizon became brighter with each passing day.

Yes, twenty years ago, I escaped the Grim Reaper. Every year since that fateful day, I have marked July 17 as a “Homage to my Hemorrhage,” celebrating the gift of more time here on earth.  I had been thinking of my 20-year anniversary as marking a milestone, but upon reflection, I have come to realize that every day represents a milestone—another opportunity to make a positive difference in this world.

Although the course of my life as I had originally envisioned veered off course, I am brimming with gratitude for the incredible opportunities my stroke has given me.  I never felt like a victim of stroke, but always a survivor of life's happenstance.  Although some may cringe when I refer to my stroke as a gift, it has shaped my life in ways that are surprisingly full of wonderful possibilities, including the remarkable people I have met because of my stroke.  These folks have also educated me and left me in awe and inspired by the power of the human spirit.

No one escapes adversity, whether it be physical, emotional, financial, or some other setback. Mine happened to be a paralyzing stroke, but it has given me insight to what is important. My stroke, my educator, has schooled me well, and provided lessons that keep me grounded, fulfilled, and greeting each day with renewed hope. Thanks to my stroke, I've learned:

• Life is about choice. Each choice is predicated on my prior choice.
• Laughter truly is the best medicine for the mind, body and spirit. I must administer steady daily doses. Being able to laugh at myself induces more laughter with others, creating a cacophony of joy and positive connections.
• No one is responsible for my happiness but me. It is an inside job that I must undertake and make a habit. Just by choosing it, though, doesn't make it inevitable, it takes hard work.
•  Say goodbye to embarrassment. No one has the right to judge another. I learned that to feel embarrassed is what I am thinking others are thinking of me. The source is internal not external. It is how I talk to myself.
•  I own my dignity. It is only lost if I give it away. Keep my head held high and my eyes on the prize--my quality of life.
•  There will be obstacles to achieving goals. Overcoming an obstacle may require a detour, but this often exposes me to new revelations.
• The proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel” is visible only if I access the light switch within myself. The damage has already been done, now it’s up to me to deal with the aftermath of the wreckage.

Many folks ask why I would celebrate a date that has left me impaired and in this disabled state? Of course, it still engenders pain and distress at the memory, but it also shows how far I have come from that day when I thought I was going to die. Celebrating allows me to get the upper hand over my stroke (albeit the right hand only—my left hand is still good only for decorating). This is a day for reflecting and rejoicing at the opportunity to have had 20 more years of celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, weddings, and other special events with family and friends.

Twenty years ago, when we celebrated my son's third birthday, I didn't realize then that would be a memory that would sustain me five days later when I suffered my injury. Parents are proud and emotional at their children's accomplishments. It becomes especially apparent at graduations. I have been blessed to see both his high school and college graduations. I was overwhelmed that I lived to see these accomplishments. I was a blubbering mess--mostly tears of joy, but also tears of reflection. Yes, there have many occasions to celebrate over the past 20 years, as there have been trials of sadness and loss. This is the Yin and Yang of life.

I am not my stroke. Does it define me? In some ways, yes, but it is only layered on an already multifaceted Julia.  I am the victor of my stroke, I conquered the beast. As it attempts to raise its ugly head daily, I am battle ready. This enemy did not defeat me, it only made me stronger, wiser, more grateful, and happier. Yes, happier. I know up-close-and-personal that there are no guarantees in life and that every minute I’m alive is a gift.  

15 years later...Milestones occur every day!

Fifteen years ago today, I narrowly escaped the Grim Reaper’s scythe. Every year since, I have marked this day as a 'Homage to my Hemorrhage,' celebrating the gift of more time here on earth.  Originally, I thought of this year’s anniversary as a milestone, but in reflection, I realize that every day is a milestone, an extra opportunity to make a positive difference.

Although my life’s path as I had envisioned veered way of course, I am immensely grateful for the incredible opportunities my stoke has given me.  I never felt like a victim of stroke, but rather a survivor of life's happenstance. While some may cringe that I refer to my stroke as a gift, it has shaped my life in ways that are surprisingly full of wonderful possibilities and brought many remarkable people into my life, people who leave me in awe and inspired by the power of the human spirit.

No one completely escapes adversity, be it physical, emotional, or financial. Mine happened to be a paralyzing stroke, but it has given me insight to what is important. My stroke has taught me lessons that keep me grounded, fulfilled, and ready to greet each day with renewed hope. Thanks to my stroke, I've learned:

·         Life is about choice. Each choice is predicated on my prior choice.

·         Laughter truly is the best medicine for the mind, body and spirit. I require daily doses. It starts by laughing at myself, and when my dear friends join in, it creates a cacophony of joy.

·         No one is responsible for my happiness but me. I must choose to be happy. But just because I choose it doesn't make it so; it takes hard work.

·         I must overcome obstacles to accomplish a goal. Obstacles, or roadblocks, cause detours, but I am not discouraged. Detours often lead to new discoveries about myself and what I am capable of.

·         The proverbial 'light at the end of the tunnel' is there only if I find it within myself to foresee a positive outcome.

I am not my stroke. Does it define me? In some ways, perhaps, but it is only one side of the multifaceted person I am.  I am the victor of my stroke; I conquered the beast. Yes, it raises its ugly head daily, but I am battle ready. This enemy did not defeat me, it only made me stronger, wiser, grateful, happier, yes, happier. I know up-close-and-personal that every day I get out of bed is a gift.

Limping for joy!

-xo-julia

EXERCISE THE f-WORDS IN 2012

Here I am ringing in the New Year with all the hope and promise of a new beginning. I can put all the ‘should haves’ and ‘could haves’ behind me with 2011 and focus on the here, now and future with unbridled energy. I’m surprised I have energy left over from 2011, but the new year brings with it a clean slate. It is a ‘do-over’ for 2012. I’m reflecting on what I need to do to make this a pivotal year. My first thought is the obvious—lose weight and improve my health in the process, but that’s superficial compared to what really matters. I start my day thinking, ‘I’ll try, ’but as the wise Yoda says, ‘Don’t try. Do.’ So, out with ‘trying,’ in with ‘doing.’

Here’s to the f-words in 2012!

FAITH: Exercise my faith to bring me comfort and to assist me with tasks I feel I cannot accomplish on my own. Feed my soul with healthy, positive thoughts and help me tap into what my soul is saying.

FAMILY: Exercise my love and appreciation for the wonderful family I have been blessed with, and they are truly a blessing, because I didn’t get to pick them. And for my husband who, I always say, was heaven sent. And for my son who inspires me to do more than I think I can. With them behind me, I am always moving forward.

FRIENDS: Exercise my friendships. Embrace and cherish the friends who have opened their hearts to me. They are my safety net and my compass. They accept me for who I am, with all my foibles. To all my friends, old and new, I will give back more than I take.

FORGIVENESS: Exercise forgiveness. Recognize that I get more in return from the act of forgiving than the party I forgive. The adage ‘Hatred does more damage to the vessel it is contained in, than to the vessel it is directed at’ rings true.

FOCUS: Exercise focus on my true purpose here on earth. Be grateful for the opportunity to impact others lives. Spread the message of hope to inspire others to overcome their physical or emotional challenges.

FUNNY BONE: Exercise humor. Make every effort to enjoy a good belly laugh daily, even at my own expense. Being fodder for a good-natured laugh is preferable to laughing at others. Laughing releases those endorphins every bit as much as that ‘runner’s high’ from physical exertion.

FORTITUDE: Exercise fortitude to overcome hardship. Don’t be a naysayer when faced with difficulties. ‘Those that say it cannot be done, should not interrupt the one doing it.’

If I follow through on these goals, I will improve my well-being in 2012 and beyond. I might even lose some weight in the process.
With Love,
Julia Fox Garrison

I was interviewed by Harriet Cabelly, a life coach, for her November interview blog. Prior to becoming a life coach four years ago, Harriet was a social worker for 20 years in the NY school system and in private practice. The focus of her blog is people overcoming difficulties and how they grow through adversity. I had the good fortune of having her reached out to me for an interview. I think she captured my outlook perfectly. Please take a moment to visit and share her website which is chock-full of tips on improving your life. Look at it as your daily dose of inspiration!
http://rebuildyourlifecoach.wordpress.com/2011/11/01/interview-with-julia-fox-garrison/

Welcome readers,
This has been some journey for me. I never proclaimed,
"I'm going to write a book someday." It just wasn't part
of my DNA. But in the aftermath of my stroke, dealing with
the medical community and insurance companies, and trying
to rehabilitate myself, I sensed I had a story to tell.

It seemed that my experience was a blueprint for how not
to let the system dictate the direction, pace, and objectives
of recovery. I've learned that what your heart, mind, and
intuition tell you can be as valuable as any medical opinion.
My ordeal has also taught me to listen to and rely on my inner
voice, my soul, because it is my link to God and the angels that
watch over me.

We all have a story to tell on this journey through life.
I invite you to share your story here; perhaps it will help
you and others along the way.

This has been some wild ride, but I rather like that wind-blown
look. Many blessings to you on your journey.
with love, julia